«Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!»
«Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.»
«Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!»
An ad for St. Joseph’s Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, «For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.»
When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, «Open Sundays,» the church reciprocated with its own message: «We are open on Sundays, too.»
«Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons-come hear one!»
A singing group called «The Resurrection» was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big rainstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, «The Resurrection is postponed.»
«People are like tea bags-you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.»
«God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.»
«Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!»
«When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right.»
«Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.»
«Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily.»
«How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Non-smoking?»
«Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives»
«Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.»
«It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin.»
«Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.»
«If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.»
«Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.»
The Devil And The Golfer A stranger walks up to a golfer and whispers, «Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?»
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, «OK.» And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, «Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole.»
The same stranger moves to his side and says, «Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?»
The golfer shrugs and says, «Sure.» And he makes an eagle.
Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, «Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?»
The golfer says, «Certainly.» And makes the eagle.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,»You know, I’ve really not been fair with you because you don’t know who I am. I’m the devil and from now on you will have no sex life.»
«Nice to meet you,» says the golfer. «My name’s Father Charles.»
